Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Low spirits. Low Morale.
It's only the second week.
Toady I had my first Maths tutorial after 3 years. I have completely forgotten everything, and the tutor was zooming pass all the questions at Mach 10! I spent hours working on my tutorial and he finished going through all the questions in minutes.
Now that was demoralizing considering I thought I had prepared well for the lesson. Apparently doing the entire tutorial is insufficient. I haven't touched maths in 3 years and I am completely rusty. The funny thing is that I made a remark to one of my poly friends that I couldn't do the maths, and he had this very exaggerated response: "Wahhh What??? You can't do maths?!?? Your maths is like the best amongst us, if you can't do maths, then the rest of us are doomed!"
Interesting support I get from my friends, how am I supposed to voice out the problems I have? and you wonder why I keep quiet about myself all the time.
I am lagging behind in everything, tutorials, lectures, understanding of the topics. It's as if all my preparation was for nothing.
When I went out of the class, I was wondering why the hell am I in NTU studying BIE? When I am 3 years older? I could have been in NUS! After all since I need to study so hard all over again, all the syllabus has changed, no doubt the exam format will change all over again and all the prior preparation that I had done are all useless.
Why the hell am I in NTU? I am years older than my peers, I should have leveraged my poly advantage by going directly into 2nd-year, but would that have made me happier?
I should have been in NUS, after all it's more prestigious, more recognized, and I will be with the majority of the other scholars. I will no doubt be studying electronics engineering, which is not as prestigious as Bioengineering. After all, NUS did offer me a place. Which I turned down.
But since I am not getting any advantage here why not? The main reason why I chose to forgo NUS and come to NTU was the support I thought I could have, and of course, NTU TKD.
Had I gone to NUS, I would have gone directly to year-2, or I should have accepted NTU's offer for direct year-two entry into EEE as well. At least I will still be in NTU, but directly in the 2nd year, would that have been a better decision?
Do I regret my decision for coming to NTU? Why am I feeling so sad? Why do I feel so stupid? I really need to work ten times harder to catch up with the others now.
Well I can't look back now. All I can do is bite the bullet and forge ahead the old-fashioned way.
Just working damn hard.
I have made many mistakes in my life.
Is this one of them?
Posted by MK at 5:31 PM
