Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Why must I always find out myself?
Why must I always find out myself?
Today I couldn't take it anymore. I had to ask. The feeling was too strong. It kept nagging at the back of my mind. Yet I chose to ignore all the warning signs, I trusted her enough to believe that if it was true, she would have told me herself.
What are all those years for? I trust her. My instinct has always be rather accurate, but it was trust that kept me from asking. I chose to ignore all the klaxons blaring in my head, and all the rumors and gossips. Yet it all turned out to be true...
Actually I probably knew the answer before I even asked. But I had to hear it for myself. Yet my good friend never told me anything, or never even bothered to try!
I suspected something was wrong, yet I decided not to probe. But it just got too glaringly obvious. Just that... They actually thought they could keep something like this away from me? From ME?
It HURTS.
To keep that kind of secret from me, something that I should have been told a long time ago. Yet I have to find it out myself. To think I actually thought otherwise!
Four months!!!It actually hurts more this way. Had they told me earlier, I would have accepted it, and would have been fine or maybe a little disappointed, but nothing like now.
My point is this, whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you, was a complete and total moron. Because for most people, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.
It still hurts.
I feel more than a complete and stupid moron now.
I feel like a
fool.
But maybe it isn't her, maybe it's because of the good and trusted friend that betrayed my trust. Yes. I am hurt because I feel betrayed. Again.
Posted by MK at 7:32 PM
